Our newest son, Aren, had been sleeping through the night as of about 8 weeks of age and then recently experience a bit of a sleep hiccup here during these last three weeks where he started waking up every hour. His bedroom adjoins ours so Christine is able to respond very rapidly whenever this would happen.
A couple of thoughts come rushing to mind when I consider these last three weeks.
One of the first things is how glad I am that we put the other three kids on a schedule from the very beginning and that this included them sleeping in their own beds in their own room. (We've never had them sleeping in our beds unless it was just to get them to sleep and even then we made agreements with them that they'd be put back in their bed after they fell asleep. So yes we have one of those rare marriages that still includes intimacy because we don't have three kids who feel they have to sleep in our bed all the time).
This is part of our overall plan to help our children realize they are able to manage sleeping and living in space that is theirs, while our space remains ours. It is something anyone can do if they have a similar goal they wish to achieve down the road with their own children.
Parents, particularly those who ascribe to "attachment parenting", have somehow gotten the idea that if kids aren't allowed to sleep in the parent's bed or if any space intervenes been the child and the parent, it makes the kids feel less loved or will have some adverse consequence. I can tell you that is not the case with our kids in any way, shape or form. Our girls (6 and 5 yrs) and our oldest son (1.5 yrs) all sleep through the night in their own beds and are the most loving and at-ease kids on Earth. What's more, they can hold their own in social situations and are often requested by other parents to hang out with their own because they play so well with others. One parent actually expressed a wish to me that our kids would somehow rub off on hers. I didn't know what to say so I just smiled and acknowledged her.
My point: it's important, in my opinion, for kids to get sleep well and for them to realize that they can control their own environment. Having their own bed and space from the beginning is evidently a big part of that.
Back to Aren, though, as I started this post about him: he caught a cold about three weeks ago and was getting pretty congested and so would wake up every hour. At least, that's what we think was causing the hourly waking at night.
While tending to his needs with the cold, we also realized that we had slipped away from the successful day schedule sequence which got us to the point of him (and all our other kids) sleeping through the night after 8 weeks of age. (ref: On Becoming Babywise, by Gary Ezzo)
So we started that again, following it exactly. He would wake up and be fed. Then we'd keep him awake for an hour and a half or so and then he'd go back to sleep for a nap which usually lasted at least an hour. (Contrast this with waking up, being fed until and letting the child fall asleep while feeding and putting them back to bed--letting his body control the schedule. This does not work nearly as well if the goal is getting the child to sleep through the night by about 8 weeks of age.)
After about a week of this, Aren went right back to sleeping through the night. Mind you, his cold has mostly subsided. He still has a nasty cough, but not as much phlegm. Since he gets a full night sleep now his body is recovering even faster.
I believe that what could be happening here is really a couple of things:
a) By gently and calmly controlling the schedule, we're demonstrating to our kids that sleep is something that can be controlled.
b) In so doing, they realize after a point that they can control their own sleep and can put their own bodies to sleep without entirely needing our help.
Our girls go to bed on their own (although they very much like me to come read them stories to help get them in the mood and because they want me to be there with them as much as possible); and our gregarious little son, if we say "let's go to bed, buddy" will summon his bottle of milk and his little blanket and head to the bedroom. No kicking or screaming or "I want to sleep in your bed" or anything. The only time he objects or wakes back up is if he needs a change (rare) or just didn't quite get enough to eat (like if he's in a major growing phase).
This might not seem like such a big deal when you just have one or maybe even two kids, but with our four this sort of cooperation is the difference between losing it and sanity. Christine and I know we can count on a good night's sleep most nights and that way, when one of them does get a cold, we're working from a base of having been well rested instead of hanging from a thread. So it's hard for us to pay much attention when our attachment parenting friends complain about how tired they are or the fact that they haven't had sex with their spouse in 4 years (if they did it involved sneaking into a bathroom or something). We aren't "lucky" or anything else. We wanted to have a family and sleep and so found a way to do something about it. After 6 years and 4 kids, I'd say the plan is working just fine.
